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Some Southern Zen

Buddhist Humour (!)

"Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before."

© Nanabozho (Gichi Wabush)
This page updated February 1, 2005

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Simile of the pedant and the elephant

A new version, proof-read and corrected by "Ned Ludd", of the famous simile of the blind men and the elephant

Five blind men and a pedant (who had eyes but could not see) decided one day that their mission in life was to discover an elephant..."

Zen and the Art of Repairing Flat Tyres

Ken Kifer finally reveals how to apply Zen to the art of repairing flat tyres on bicycles!

"You are riding on a picturesque country road on your bicycle with the wind in your hair and birds singing in the nearby trees, and you are about to reach a Zen-like state of rapture when you start noticing your rear wheel. It seems to be bumping on the ground. Gradually, you realize that you have a flat..."

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road

And here's a set-piece with some Buddhist bits thrown in!


Various unrelated jokes.

Wuming lu: the record of the life and teachings of Wuming (Mumyô) (Anonymous author)

WUMING ("No light") the cucumber sage. Compiled by Master Dongwang, abbott of Hanxin Monastery in the thirteenth year of the Earth Dragon Year (898)...

My dear friend, most reverend master Dongwang,...

The Light Bulb Sutra

I- Thus have I heard

On one occasion, the World Honoured One was staying in Rajagriha on the Vulture Peak, with a large following of monks and a great crowd of bodhisattvas. It was getting late, and at that moment, although it was dusk, the Blessed One was being concentrated on that part of the dharmas which is called Profound Enlightenment, which made him glimmer softly in the semi-darkness...

and other dubious jokes :
Light Bulb Koan, Death of a Zen Master).

Death of a Zen Master (with modifications and corrections)

A contemporary Zen master lay dying on his death bed. His monks had all gathered around his bed, from the most senior to the most novice monk. The senior monk leaned over to ask the dying master if he had any final words of advice for his monks. The old master slowly opened his eyes and in a weak voice whispered. "Tell them Truth is like a river."...

Zen for Dummies

"Wouldn't it be nice if the for dummies series book publishers came up with books dealing with religion : Buddhism for Dummies, Zen for Dummies".

Ned: «Ok, I see a black-and-white cover with a line drawing of a dog, its butt parked on the ground, and a large hand reaching in from the border of the book, pointing a finger at the dog, with a balloon quote containing the words, "Sit! Sit! Sit!" !"» ...

Don't sleep! (A funny Rinzai site)

Do not zzz...


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